finally, a job!

I'm thrilled to announce that it's official: starting in August, I'll be an assistant professor of Classics at a college in New York City and the director of their intensive summer language program! I made the decision last week, but it took several days for the contract to be generated, arrive, and be signed. As most of you know, I've had a long relationship with the Institute – I learned my Greek there in 2002 and have been a faculty member for the past three summers. Never did I dream of becoming the director, though, or landing a tenure-track position in New York City!

It's going to be a tough job. I'll be tackling duties that most academics don't approach until after tenure, if at all: fundraising, branding and advertising, faculty recruitment and training, curricular development, building partnerships across the city, etc. I'm excited, though, to gain new skills and have a real impact right away. I'll be teaching at Brooklyn College in the spring and directing/teaching at the Institute in the summer; the fall will be for research and publication, as the same research expectations for tenure will apply to me as to other faculty. I'm not exactly sure how I'll balance it all, but I guess we'll find out soon enough.

We really struggled with the decision, but I'm feeling increasingly confident that this was the right one. Returning to NYC has long been a dream of mine, and the move will bring us much closer to our parents and families. Last week, we found out that the Fat has matched for his residency on Long Island, so we'll both be moving to the NY metro area! That means more time for me with the Flower and the Florette, which I am particularly excited about. Most of all, the NYC area will hopefully provide more opportunities for Dave to pursue his research. He won't be coming with me right away, but as soon as he can make the move, he will. So cross your fingers that the sequestration won't affect his grant applications and that he will find a hospitable home at a medical school or university in New York soon!

decisions, decisions, decisions

The time has come (the Walrus said). After all of this hullabaloo, I have three tenure-track offers in front of me, and three more days to make up my mind. This is far more than I ever hoped or dreamed for myself this year (or possibly ever!), and I feel unprepared to make the decision. Just six months ago, I was considering leaving the field in the event that the job market just didn't pan out for me. The suggestion conjured an entirely different world and future for me and Dave, one which can be set aside for now. Now I have to contemplate what it really means to start a tenure-track job at a specific place in August – can I get tenure? will I start having children before tenure, and where do I want them to grow up? where can I get the best mentoring, so that I can grow and thrive in my research and teaching? which institution has the best support for what I want to accomplish with my career? and perhaps most importantly, can Dave come with me?

It's been a hard week. I received an offer that I would dearly love to take – I fell in love with the department, my future colleagues, and the rosy vision of the life I would have there. The catch: no job for Dave now, and it seems unlikely he would find one there in the future. How can I take a position in a place, knowing that my husband can't join me there? What if I find it difficult to "trade up," as it were, and find myself "trapped" in a wonderful job, but alone? Tradeoffs, compromises, meeting in the middle. All I can say is: marriage – it's not for the faint of heart.

I'll have an update in a few days. In the meantime, I'm trying to shed the burden of anxiety I've been carrying for weeks. Today I got my haircut at a new salon. In the blank after "Occupation:", I finally dared to write "Professor."

the big easy

Last week, I stepped off a plane in New Orleans and was just bowled over by the city. What a fascinating place, in its history, language and culture, and policy prescriptions! I stayed in this graceful bed and breakfast:

which was located right on Audobon Park:

Having left Ann Arbor under 8 inches of snow, I couldn't believe that spring was beginning elsewhere. After a long day of interviews, I finally got my reward: a fresh, still-warm beignet, drenched in powdered sugar! Immediately afterwards, I hit up Coop's Place for its "Supreme Jambalaya," and I can attest, the advertising was not false!

go west, young lady!

I thought that I could handle back-to-back campus visits for several weeks on end. Turns out that it can be kind of tiring! One thing that keeps me energized, though, is the opportunity to see new places and learn more about different parts of the country. I had become so accustomed to the drab landscape of southeastern Michigan that I was just floored by this view:

This is the view from the Salt Lake City airport. I literally stood in front of a window, gazing hungrily at the mountains, for ten minutes after I walked off the plane. I had forgotten how inspiring mountains can be! I then flew to Oregon, where I was just delighted to see this store:

Pendleton is the hometown of one very special reader of this blog, Katie H.! Thinking of you, my dear!

When I arrived in Portland, I was exhausted, nauseated, and strung out from the stress of anticipating important phone calls. I felt rejuvenated, though, by a plate of the best Japanese curry I've ever had (not that that's saying much – I've only tried it in Ann Arbor). I then made the obligatory pilgrimage to Powell's Books!

I considered buying a tote bag, purely for the approving looks I'd get from those Ann Arborites with NPR bumper stickers on their Volkswagens. Too hypocritcal, even for me, though. Instead, I browsed the shelves, acutely aware that my jeans weren't skinny enough for me to look like a local! Then I walked back to my hotel in the rain.

expectations

All my friends, faculty, and family are constantly asking me, "How did it go?" As I discussed earlier, I think it's nearly impossible for the candidate to know how she is being appraised. Most of the time, I reply with a shrug, "Okay? Pretty well? I guess?" Then there are visits where I can be pretty sure things did not go okay, pretty well, I know.

Last week, I visited a small liberal arts college in the Northeast. I am a finalist for a campus-wide diversity fellowship; I am up against 3 other finalists, all from different fields across the college. The Classics department is tiny, so they are thrilled by the prospect of having another faculty member to offer a few courses and raise the profile of the department among their colleagues. All this to say: it's in their interest to help me get this fellowship, right? Which would involve clearly communicating expectations, right? And yet, I didn't find out until I had arrived on campus for the interview with the fellowship committee that I was being pitched as someone who could also cover for Art History and whose courses "deal substantially with post-Renaissance Western art, literary studies, and film studies." Excuse me? I mean, yes, I would be more than happy to incorporate those fields into my classes – but you probably should have warned me ahead of time. So that, when I'm asked about how I would use films in my class on Heracles, I do not respond with Disney's Hercules and Arnold Schwarzenegger's great classic of cinema, Hercules in New York. Only half of the fellowship committee came to my talk, which is just as well: two images miraculously disappeared from my powerpoint presentation, so I had to act them out with my body. Academic dignity may have been lost, but surely I earned a few points for enthusiasm.

Then there are schools that clearly communicate their expectations, but they are surprisingly specific. From a research university in the south, I received this email today: "[Your job talk] should be pitched to the faculty and should represent your original contributions to scholarship. It should be not less than 49 minutes and not more than 51 minutes. There will be a question period after it." My talk, as it stands, is not more than 44 minutes, and not less than 42. At least I know how to edit it now!

adventures in academia

I'm three weeks into my whirlwind campus interview stage, with about two more weeks to go! So far, so good. I'm learning so much at each campus – about what it means to be an academic, the state of Classics these days, what makes me a strong candidate (and likewise, weak), and what my own expectations for my career are. I'm not ready to make a grand summary, but so far, a few observations:

Sometimes, the hotel with the best view:

(Hartford, CT)

can also be the most "creative" in finding solutions to broken hairdryers:

Texans really ARE serious about their beef:

And their bears! This is a terrible picture, but try to spot two pairs of fuzzy ears in the center:

This is where they live, right in the center of campus:

More seriously: I'm coming to understand the way in which academia CAN be divided into "winners" and "losers" (and how important it is to be in the "winners" camp), but also the way in which academia is much "flatter" than I had imagined, with much greater equality across different kinds of schools. On the one hand, I'm extremely grateful to Princeton. There are so many ways in which my Princeton education helped to position me for success in graduate school: it was at Princeton that I learned about Dumbarton Oaks, the American School, the Latin/Greek Institute – all things that perhaps distinguished my CV from others'. Let me not neglect to mention the strong training I received in the languages, which gave me a head start in grad school and helped me impress the people who are now writing my letters. I hardly ever talk about Princeton while I'm at Michigan, but on the job circuit, I've talked about it many times – with the many academics who did their graduate and undergraduate training there, with committees wanting to understand my intellectual trajectory – and it always reminds me of how fortunate I am to have gotten my start there.

On the other hand, my time at Princeton gave me a very skewed idea of what it means to be an academic or what the broader field is like. When I was an undergrad, I thought there were only 3 schools of import (and you can probably guess which ones those are). But it turns out that brilliant and successful academics end up everywhere – big schools, rich schools, poor schools, in glamorous and remote locations, with amazingly accomplished students and the poorly prepared. Yet in many ways, their lives seem the same: they struggle to produce and publish while teaching; administrators want to see more Classics majors and minors; committee work is a drag; students are inspiring and terrific, as well as difficult and unmotivated. There is one school where I'm truly terrified of ending up at, and it's a replacement hire for a retiring scholar whose article on Euripides' Heracles really shaped one of my chapters. Who knew? And so much of where you end up is based on luck: who is hiring this year, what they're looking for, and whether you can fool them into loving you and your work.

a busy season

It's hard to believe that it's really here: the hunt for a job offer. Before I came to graduate school, I dated a humanities PhD student who was on the academic job market for the first time. Needless to say, it left me somewhat traumatized and deeply anxious about my own future employment situation – starting 7 years ago. And now the time is here: I have several campus visits lined up. I'm polishing the talk, revamping the handout, editing the slides. I'm preparing my teaching demos, researching faculty interests, and starting to imagine myself here, there, or somewhere in between. Part of me wants to ask, how did this happen already? The other part of me reminds me: oh, about seven years of hard work (and I'm even getting the right husband out of it, too!).

I was feeling paralyzed and overwhelmed by it all last week. Too paralyzed even to blog about it. I'm not ready! I'm just a diversity candidate! They'll find out that I'm too young or not what they want or a total red-faced Asian when I drink! How on earth can I possibly the survive the scrutiny I will receive over the next six weeks? Then my dad reminded me, "It's just six weeks." That's right: six weeks. I can do this! It's just "a busy season," right? With all the travel, snatching of sleep, and frantic hand-washing, it will all be over before I know it. It's a little microcosm of this blog's subtitle: "seven campus visits. four performances of beethoven's 9th. one bridal shower. one job offer. six weeks. let's go!"

I'm off to my first school on Tuesday. Wish me luck!

post mortem

The annual meeting of my professional organization is over, and I can now happily report that I survived my interviews in one piece. Although it was probably the most stressful weekend of my graduate career, I feel relatively at peace about the whole experience. I made a lot of mistakes, but I also learned a great deal – about myself as a scholar and teacher, and about the field and career more generally.

Some things not to like about interviewing:

• walking into a room full of strangers whose identity and disposition were previously not established
• probing, openly doubtful questions about the value of the research you've spent years on
• strange or incomprehensible questions that may or may not sink your chances at getting a job
• waiting outside hotel rooms and bumping into the same candidates over and over again because you're all competing for the same jobs

Some things to like about interviewing:

• it's a great opportunity to inflict your ideas on unsuspecting scholars from all over the country
• a narcissist's dream: talking about oneself ALL DAY LONG
• the chance to see what different kinds of academics value about their colleagues and institutions – is the most important thing the freedom to grow into whatever kind of scholar you want? or to be surrounded by the smartest colleagues? or to have the brightest students? or to live in the most desirable (however you define it) location?

Everyone has been asking me, "How did it go?" But it's nearly impossible for the candidate to know. The friendly and kind committees will smile and nod, no matter how stupid your answer is; the challenging and pushy committees will frown and ask a follow-up question, no matter how brilliant your answer is. I experienced occasional brain-freeze, but usually had some sort of answer for the questions that came up. I still don't know whether those answers went over well, or not. But at least I enjoyed some memorable moments: the interview in which an older committee member asked one inscrutable question, and then promptly fell asleep on the table; the interview when I was asked about my methodology of early Aegean archaeology, and gave some answer in which I mumbled "Linear B" three times; the interview in which I was asked whether the approximately four Asians in the field had a secret "cool club," etc. etc.

2013

Ready for the new year? When I created this blog, I imagined that it would document a year of my life: May 2012-May 2013. I can't believe that more than half of that year is already over! When I look ahead to 2013, I see some "anchor events" that are inevitable: graduation, wedding, summer travel. But after August, I see a huge blank. Will Dave and I be professors at the same school? Will I be living far away from him for at least a year or two? Will I still be in Ann Arbor, continuing much the same life? I won't know for several more months, and the suspense is killing me! ;)

Dave and I were discussing our New Year's resolutions last night. Well, our lack of resolutions. We both feel that we have enough goals to accomplish this year as it is! I've got to get a job, or position myself to be even more competitive for next year's job market, in addition to planning the wedding and teaching. Dave has multiple grants to write and some big papers to push out, in addition to planning the wedding. Our lives right now are so focused on preparing for the future, which requires sacrifice in the present. If there's one thing I'd like to resolve, it's to "stop and smell the roses" whenever possible. I don't think that has to mean that I take a lot of time off work to go for long walks by the river. But I want to be able to savor the small moments along the way!

success?

I can't believe I survived this semester! Looking back, I can now see how hybristic it was to attempt to accomplish so many things at once. And yet, things seem to have worked out. My dissertation only requires modest revisions before deposit; I have opportunities to discuss my work and teaching with search committees; aside from a few students who are angry at not being awarded an A just for showing up, my students seem to have enjoyed our class; the wedding will happen.

Victory! ...right? Yesterday was the first day I could wake up not feeling completely overwhelmed by the tasks awaiting me that day. And so it became the first day on which I could survey the costs of this kind of lifestyle. I gave up a lot of things I love this semester: singing, cooking, exercising (not that I exactly love it), keeping up with friends, reading fiction, leisure time, personal grooming, sleep. I needed all that time and mental energy to focus on myself and getting myself through each day. In fact, all I did was think about myself.

Turns out that utter self-absorption is not good for a relationship! Dave has been extremely generous and supportive this whole time – he has made me gifts, written me notes, and cared for me so many times. And while I appreciated each act and expressed that to him, I never returned the favor and made him feel cared for and beloved in the ways that he likes. We are very different, which is usually a good thing, but sometimes that means communicating our care for each other requires extra effort. I simply did not have the energy to take that extra step and think about what would make him feel especially cherished or known.

Fortunately, the time in my life of crying about my dissertation is over. But from all indications, the first year or two as a faculty member is even worse than any period in graduate school. In the Humanities, we talk all the time about how studying literature is supposed to help teach us lessons about life and relationships. Funny how a significant part of my dissertation is about the corrosive effects of individual heroism on the home: the very process of heroic success – victory in competition over a worthy but external enemy – is antithetical to wise rule over a stable household. So you'd think I might have been more aware...but no. So here's the challenge: how can we accomplish everything on our to-do lists, while still nurturing and protecting our future marriage? A new year, a fresh start begins soon. Let's see how we do!

so you want a PhD in the humanities?

Everyone who knows me also knows that I have had my doubts about graduate school. It's been a long road, and even as I come to the finish line, I have deeply mixed feelings about the experience. Of course, if I get a wonderful tenure-track job at a place where Dave can also do his research, fantastic! Everyone should get a PhD! It always works out in the end! If I end up scrambling on the VAP/adjunct circuit for the next five to eight years and miss my fertility window? Well, I'll be wearing my bitter pants every day. Clearly, this is an oversimplification, and I choose to believe that I have some measure of control over my destiny. And yet.

Before I came to graduate school, this is how I pictured my life would be:

Beautiful libraries! Big artsy glasses! Contented smiles that go along with the acquisition of both knowledge and wisdom!

There's some truth to that vision (I love the things I've studied; I've acquired a number of beautiful books; my eyesight continually deteriorates, to the extent that I realized last week I should not be driving at night with my glasses, which seriously need an updated prescription). Perhaps equally distorted is the vision offered by reading the Classics job market blog. It is not for the faint of heart (or stomach). A recent conversation in the comments looked like this (warning: strong language):

Anonymous said...
Does anyone know of any job anywhere doing anything for any amount of money I could fucking get with this worthless, piece of shit Classics PhD?

December 7, 2012 6:18 PM

Anonymous said...

Does anyone know of any job anywhere doing anything for any amount of money I could fucking get with this worthless, piece of shit Classics PhD?

Sorry, a lot of us are asking that question. And the answer is -- no, not really.

December 7, 2012 7:04 PM

Anonymous said...

I'm finding that even for minimum wage jobs I have to explain what I've been doing for work in the last few years. There doesn't seem to be any way around that.

And the minute you mention getting a PhD they think you are lying, making fun of them, or that there is something seriously wrong with you. No matter what, you don't get the fucking job.

December 7, 2012 7:29 PM

Anonymous said...

This is a big problem. It's not limited to classics. A good resource, in case anyone's actually interested is
http://versatilephd.com/

December 7, 2012 7:57 PM

Fallen Classicist said...

No. Don't be tempted by versitile phd and the like. Do not think that there are jobs out there for PhDs in classics. Or, better, don't count on it. And do not spend this time of the year thinking about it.

With a PhD in classics you are most qualified to be a classics professor. Not a banker. Not a spy. Not a management consultant. A classicist. The job market is predictable and people actually get jobs. Not as many as we all would like, but still.

There is nothing predictable about a job search outside of classics. There are opportunities out there. Some, certainly, are more lucrative than classics. As noted, I have a classics PhD, and am now working in an entirely different field.

But if your goal is employment, any employment, your best chance is in classics. And the time before the APA is not to be spent wondering what else might be possible. Do that AFTER the APA. Spend your time preparing for interviews, tailoring your letters, and the like.

Now, if you have decided that classics was a mistake and you want to move on, by all means, explore your options, but also give classics a second look. For all its faults, you have trained for it and are qualified for it.

December 7, 2012 8:19 PM

Anonymous said...

Fallen, remember that only 13% of qualified applicants are getting a tenure-track job in Classics each year (on average since 2008). Less than 30% are getting any job at all, including VAPs without benefits, for that same range of time.

And most of us don't have any interviews to prepare for. We're just paying hundreds of dollars we don't have to go to the APA and have cocksuckers like that HC bitch laugh at us under their breath.

December 7, 2012 8:42 PM

 

Anonymous said...

Death is, of course, the best option. Dead people don't even need jobs. But I'm too much of a fucking coward. Seneca is probably rolling over in his grave.

December 7, 2012 10:53 PM

This is almost certainly the naïvete of the first-time job-seeker, but I'm truly planning on not becoming one of these commenters. Before that happens, please, please help me leave the field (though apparently my PhD really is best put to use in the very field that rejects my qualifications), help me leave the work force, whatever it takes! ;) This year I have multiple interviews, so there's still a breath of hope in these sails. I do want to make it in this field, and I'm getting some encouraging signals! But we'll see how I do in January, when the interviews are done, and I stare in vain at the waning battery icon of my cell phone.

Just hanging around...

This hasn't exactly been the best week. In fact, it's been full of tears. There have been the dissertation-tears, job-application-tears, advisor-tears, I'm-a-mediocre-scholar-tears, I-have-no-money-tears (don't worry, Mom: I'm getting paid on Friday), wah wah wah. But, Sarah B. came to the rescue, bearing watermelon (and you all know how much I love watermelon) and delicious casserole. She also sent me this encouragement yesterday:

"hope you are HANGING IN THERE very strongly - or at least surefootedly (my vision here is sloth.  preferably 3 toed)."

!!! Hanging in there like a three-toed sloth!

Aww, what a great little sloth! Looking so secure and content. Was Sarah already aware of my long-time affection for the sloth? This picture was taken at the San Diego Zoo in September 2010, in the "prehistoric animals" section:

And just because it's so darn cute, here's a baby one:

Who has the best friends? I do!

It's been a busy week. But just when I started to feel frantic and overwhelmed, I got the following encouragement from Julie! Isn't she the best?? I couldn't keep it to myself. Enjoy!




So you're trying to think of how to rework your dissertation...

And you have an idea!

And you're like...

But after 50 pages you're like....

And you chug through a few more chapters and you're like...

But you keep going! Go, Katie, GO!!!!!

And then... at last..... you are DONE! You are done with the dissertation!

You feel more confident about your skills and your job prospects, and you're like...

...before you start freaking out again and you're like...

But you try to put on a brave face...

And wait to hear back...

And it's a rejection. But it's just your first one so you just go...

Then you get a few more and it's more like...

But then! An awesome opportunity! THEY GOT IN TOUCH WITH YOU! And you're like...

And at the interview you try to look professional and not *too* excited...

And afterwards you're like...

And...

But GUESS WHAT!

It's an offer! You have an offer! And you feel like...

And...

And...

And...

And then you wonder, are you really ready to be a professor? Well, you may not do everything right at first...

And it's back to...

But you're done! You're really really done! Now you can be like this guy...

And you're like... can I just please please please get back to my wedding planning now?

You've made it! You help people understand literature and language!

And yeah, that feels good.

And now, time to think of more ways to use Disney in your papers...

the job market approaches...

I've been dreading this moment for six years. Applications for post-docs begin to be due on October 1st; for tenure-track jobs, the applications must be in by Nov. 1st or Nov. 15th. Non-tenure-track jobs will be advertised after January. Yikes! But the C.V. is up-to-date, I've drafted my teaching statement, and I'm laboring over my dissertation statement this week. On the outside, it looks like I'll be prepared for producing my individual applications. But on the inside, I look like this:

ALL DAY. EVERY DAY.