'Til death do us part? For someone in her late-twenties, that's a scary phrase. I've already changed so much in the past ten years; how do I know who I will be in the future? Or who D. will become? I've noticed that most of my parents' friends have encountered, at some point in their marriage, at least one terrible trial: cancer, the sudden loss of a loved one, financial disappointment, a child turning out very differently than had been hoped. How will we handle it, when something bad inevitably happens?
That's why I love hearing about couples who have lasted decades. I'm fortunate to have many examples in my own family to imitate. And the NYTimes Vows column sometimes includes a "State of the Union" update on previously featured couples. This week's column looks back at couples who married when the column was still new. One couple shared the following advice:
(Hilariously, the file name for this image is "hissy-shrew," and the caption reads, in part, "Shrews will stop at nothing to defend their precious food supply...All that gorging leads straight to an early grave." Sounds about right?)
That's why I love hearing about couples who have lasted decades. I'm fortunate to have many examples in my own family to imitate. And the NYTimes Vows column sometimes includes a "State of the Union" update on previously featured couples. This week's column looks back at couples who married when the column was still new. One couple shared the following advice:
Funny I'm not too worried about. But NICE?? Well, just as I'm hoping not to turn into a Bridezilla over the next year, I'm going to work on not transmogrifying into a shrew of a wife. Wish me luck!How do they stay so happy? “If I were to boil it down to one thing, Susan stayed nice and I stayed funny,” Mr. Parent said. “If you can stay kind and keep a sense of humor, man, you can get through anything.”
(Hilariously, the file name for this image is "hissy-shrew," and the caption reads, in part, "Shrews will stop at nothing to defend their precious food supply...All that gorging leads straight to an early grave." Sounds about right?)
You'll do just fine "staying nice." :) I love his one simple suggestion. Not saying that you'll need such a remedy someday, but I think the following story is a good reminder that all of us can develop careless habits with each other when we're so close and it's all so familiar!
ReplyDeleteI read an article the other day about this long-married couple who had hit a rut... then someone asked to stay in their spare bedroom for a month while writing a book or something. Much to their surprise, having this visitor in their house most of the time greatly improved their marriage. Since he could usually overhear them, they took extra care to be courteous and considerate in how they spoke and acted... and they were "nicer" than they'd been to each other in years. Ta da, marriage rekindled! (I think the article was written to promote a book on marriage advice. I can't for the life of me dig up this article anywhere though, so this may be a PR fail.)
Besides, later on if you want someone to crash with you, eat all your food, and increase your appreciation for each other by being an eavesdropping pig, you may have many takers ;)
that's a great story! you're right, it's so important not to take each other for granted. one of the exercises in the book we read encouraged us to talk about the topics that people naturally talk about early in a relationship, but then tend to fall by the wayside later -- how you feel about your boss, what's going on in your natal families, what are your goals for the next five years, etc. D. and i were pretty up-to-date right now, but i bet in a few years it'll be really refreshing to return to those topics.
ReplyDeletealso, reading "eavesdropping pig," i couldn't help but think of wilbur. mind your own business, wilbur!
A post with "shrew" and "transmogrify" - nice! This is going to be an entertaining and endearing blog.
ReplyDelete